Since I began my cancer journey diagnosed in March of 1998, my cancer story has taught me a tremendous amount about how to become my own cancer navigator. I’ve had many twists and turns, ups and downs, pain and glory. So far that has included two awake brain surgeries plus hundreds of integrative cancer therapies. Now, in November of 2013, I’m preparing for my third awake brain surgery. Here I share what has happened recently, where I’ve been and I’m going, and new profound knowledge for quality cancer care.
Let me start by telling you that although I wish I did not need a third awake brain surgery, right now the majority of the time I am not afraid and instead feel clear and with courage. Brain surgery in my current chapter is what I need to do. I accept that, and with intense confidence in my decision-making and sense of self.
You may or may not know that my last brain surgery in September 2011 did not remove my entire brain tumor. Since then, I’ve used new integrative cancer treatments through integrative oncologists and other providers, including drugs selected from limited tumor profiling, many off-label drugs, and natural therapies. Some of those treatments even gave me major side effects. While certain aspects have worked for some cancer patients, unfortunately the protocols did not work for me.
When informed of tumor growth last June, I entered some waves of intense fear, uncertainty, lack of control, and major questions about who I am. I also felt moments of pure tenderness, and further explored connections as well as the web of life. Dealing with cancer can bring up issues of feeling separate too. In my path, I reached out in various ways. Some people offered kindness, and others not. I always learn more about who I’m with. Most importantly, I extend profound gratitude for anyone that gave me care.
In my course through significant challenges, I became increasingly focused on more than just improvements. With major goals for additional mental and emotional transformation, I did a lot of work. I achieved more forgiveness, gratitude, and love. I finally experience a more solid ground, connection with my core, and in the present moment. I also turned 40 years old on October 6th and in many ways feel better than ever.
When I was informed of tumor growth the middle of October, I moved with focused actions. I conducted my own research, collected multiple opinions, and completed decision-making done with clarity and confidence.
On November 19th I’ll have my third awake brain surgery at UCLA by Linda Liau, MD, PhD. She is a genius. I am extremely impressed about UCLA, and wish I knew more about them sooner. Tim Cloughesy, MD, Director of the Neuro-Oncology Program at UCLA, will then be my neuro-oncologist. He practices personalized medicine, including molecular, genomic, and other tests.
In my actions for my optimal health and healing, I also made the decision to move to Los Angeles! I made the trip this last Sunday and so excited about my new city. I did not feel the San Francisco Bay area was my home the last several years. During the end of 2012, I suddenly thought Los Angeles would be my home and my intuition felt it stronger into 2013. Now I know Los Angeles is where I’m meant to be. I have a place to stay for about five weeks, and afterwards need my own apartment. If you know of anything, feel free to let me know!
Stay tuned. I’ll share updates here around my brain surgery, healing, and more about what I learn regarding innovative cancer care.
I love you all.
